


Climbing The Tree

by OnTheRideToHell



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Bars, In Public, Lots of Crying, Other, Self-Loathing, Self-Worth Issues, Social Anxiety, just a vent, like shorter than me, nobody notices, real life experiences, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26649094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnTheRideToHell/pseuds/OnTheRideToHell
Relationships: None
Kudos: 2





	Climbing The Tree

Oh, his ribcage hurt more than he cared to admit - his heart still beating but his breathing had come short. Julian’s hands shook violently as he reached for a glass of wine in front of him, it’s red coloring seemingly impeccable to admire. But that only made the red-haired male scrunched up his nose since the wine came from the palace of where the Countess and her formly deceased husband lived; that wasn’t the issue -- whomever squashed the grapes for the beverage was nasty, a horrible being in his right mind. 

Not that Julian could even begin to describe his disgust at the moment since his brain had fogged up from the pent up emotion, that sense of fear. Of neverending dread that sat in the pit of his stomach. All his excess fears pouring out onto the floor, a sheet of sweat (on his forehead) barely seeable through the moon’s lowly glow. 

He envied the fact they, everyone who currently sat in the restaurant as well, could remain calm around others - around those they loved the most. The movement of his hand sent the glass shattering on every plausible surface near him; the luscious, thick liquid spilling down his loose-fitting white shirt. Fuck, FUCK! Ah shit, why did he have to screw up everything? His breath hitched sightly before he managed to release hot oxygen from the back of his throat - not as relaxing his he had hoped for in a span of four seconds. 

Instead he slammed a fist on the table - smiling ever so slightly to keep himself together, nobody turned their head to view what had just happened, and to be honest he wouldn’t have either. One, two, three tears slid down his cheeks as Julian took an inhale barely able to feel his motions - as if he were looking down at his body from the sky. “No, no, no, no…,”

“Damnit,” - Voice crack, as if he wasn’t already an idiot by being there. Why did everybody suddenly turn, peering with their buggy eyes, his way? “STOP IT ALL OF YOU!” He begged, loudly - though in a way a single word never passed by his lips. Julian’s anxieties sent tears to his eyes, just passed brimming since they flooded off the lashes more than he could count, and he began to sob. 

As previously mentioned no one person from the village sitting in the restaurant batted an eye in his direction, no comment flung for him to reach over and grab so he could stop shedding pointless tears. Time to face the facts and see no one was going to dry his sorrows, he was caught in a war with his own mind, one that he could never win even with given assistance.

A tree he could not reach the top of no matter how much he fought to climb up, or held his balance as if he were walking on a tight rope; oh how his hope wasted away to cling to someone’s arm, feel the touch of their cooling embrace to brush along his hair. No, he would have to dry his own tears today.

Slouching back he pinched the bridge of his nose - trying to conserve any more air left that dare pool in his lungs. Julian felt his heart crumble, too sad to even care at all, therefore he let go of his nose and swallowed what little pride he had left inside of him. “Time to…,” He hesitated even speaking because of how bad his throat hurt, the wails that burned his tongue - like a curse ticking in the back of his mind. “Time for me to leave, I guess,”


End file.
